In a popular 1972 autobiography, The Happy Hooker, a Dutch woman calling herself Xaviera Hollander told of being a New York prostitute and brothel manager. Recently, a London lady, using the name Belle de Jour, presented Belle's Best Bits, A London Call Girl Reveals Her Favorite Adventures (2010, Phoenix, 358 pages) about the highs and lows in her own sex-industry career. Passing time and shifting social standards make these contents look tame, almost mundane.
In diary form (exotically dated in French), the book reveals a tough juggling act as the author splits time and effort between clients and boyfriends, between unusual night tasks and a monotonous day job. She tries to insert humor and insight, but precious little causes a chuckle or enlightens.
Naturally, Belle says the work under discussion has pluses and minuses. “Prostitution is steady work but not demanding. I meet a lot of people. Granted, they're almost all men, most of whom I'll never see again.... But it's better than watching the clock until the next scheduled tea break in a dismal staff room.”
On the down side, sex workers face significant dangers and must stay alert. “A finely tuned Creep Radar is a necessary part of the business. This is, after all, an occupation that ranks somewhere between nuclear-core inspector and rugby prop for job safety, except I'm issued neither a foil suit, nor a pair of spiked boots, for protection.”
Some hazards lurk invisibly. “Now, instead of troubling my GP with a rundown of reasons (invented) of why I need the full complement of tests for sexually transmitted infections (and then some), I go to a clinic. You almost don't even have to ask. Blessed, blessed understanding.”
Much that Belle confides looks obvious: “Collect the money before anything starts.” Some minor surprises relate to “tools of the trade” and dressing right. “I walked into the hotel, large coat bundled tight around me. It was more insurance against the tools of the trade falling out than protection against the sharp weather. The client undressed while I laid out the things he had requested: blindfold, The Persuaders, choke-chain collar and nipple clamps.... We were finished in exactly an hour. Sometimes the job seems too easy to be believed.”
The book's most memorable line comes in its opening sentence: “The first thing you should know is that I'm a whore.” Nothing more startling follows that.
Understandably, Belle protects the identities of friends mentioned in her anecdotes. Annoyingly, she refers to them by letters, not false names: “N came round after the gym to help with the cushions. By ‘help’ I mean ‘sit on them while I boil the kettle', which is helpful in its way, I suppose.”
Also a research scientist and blogger, the author sold sex in 2003 and 2004. She concealed her real name as earlier books, The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl (2005) and The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl (2006), appeared. In 2007, her blog and books led to a TV show, Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Two years ago, a degree of speculation stirred by her blog ended when she identified herself in the media.
Belle's Best Bits has one of the most bizarre and irrelevant endings ever seen. As if merely trying to fill extra pages, the author suddenly lists and discusses her favorite songs and books. Yawn!
After the final garment slithers to the floor, Belle's Best Bits and the less-than-wholesome adventures inside aren't all that great. Yawn again!
Approval rating: 47 per cent.
For more information: www.orionbooks.co.uk
(May 30, 2011)
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