Memoirs of an Ice-Cream Lady (Part 36)
By Emily Ho
Editor’s Note: The author runs an ice-cream parlor on Hong Kong’s Lamma Island. When time allows, she draws caricatures and writes. The following are semi-autobiographical anecdotes blending fact and fiction.
Good Girl
I want to be a good little girl so my parents will love me, although they may love mah-jong and horse racing more.
I want to be a good school-girl who studies hard so my teachers will love me, although they may love alcohol and smoking more.
I want to be a good teenage girl so my boyfriend will love me for helping him to finish all his homework after he spent a whole day playing video games and reading comic books.
I want to be a good office-lady so my boss will love me for working 10 hours a day for five straight years without requesting higher pay.
I want to be a good housewife so my husband will love me for doing all the chores, although he mostly appreciates the ones who chat online with him while I carry heavy grocery bags alone in a big shopping mall.
I want to be a good mother who cooks three meals a day and makes the beds for my teenage children because they really love free meals and flawless housekeeping.
I want to be a good old lady who has worked hard all my life to save some money for my grandchildren, although they mainly love spending the money on new gadgets and fast food.
I want to be a good girl simply because I want to be “loved” more!
Bad Girl
I want to be a bad little girl so I can push the prettiest good girl in the kindergarten off a swing to show her panties with a fake “Hello Kitty” on them.
I want to be an observant and friendly school-girl so I don’t need to study hard for exams, but can peek at the smartest classmate’s answers by sitting beside him/her.
I want to be an outgoing and responsible teenage girl so I can party all night without needing to call my parents after midnight.
I want to be a fun-loving and law-abiding high-school girl so I can flirt and sit on my young men’s laps and ask them to buy me cigarettes and alcohol from 7-Eleven stores.
I want to be a respectful and determined college girl so I can show my cleavage and thighs deliberately to the old professors and graduate with flying colors.
I want to be an elegant office-lady with good taste so I can have new designer LV or Gucci handbags when going on first dates with “salary men”, although such handbags cost their whole month’s salaries.
I want to be a global-minded young woman so I can marry a gweilo, get a foreign passport and kick him out once I have the right of abode.
I want to be a career-minded married woman with two happy children speaking in the accent of my Third World domestic helper who works 24 hours a day at below the minimum wage so I can focus on my career and back-stab my colleagues.
I want to be an independent middle-aged woman so I can dump my boring, balding husband and receive good maintenance money after the divorce.
I want to be a wicked old lady so I can have my boobs firmed and wrinkles smoothed with money from my late husband’s life insurance and then lie to younger men about my age.
I want to be a bad girl so I can survive in a world where bad women achieve their goals!
Coming Soon:
Looking For Love a Perilous Pastime (more Memoirs of an Ice-Cream Lady)
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